Something Lovely

It’s almost Christmas. And things are different. I’m sitting near Tyler in our living room, facing a glowing, decorated, pine tree as Christmas music crackles through the record player. Nora is resting, cocooned under a pile of warm blankets as Everett plays with his cars near the warmth of the fire.

This is us grounded — home and at peace.

It’s hard to explain the months since my last post, and following my miscarriage. I don’t know how to break my silence on the social internet, or summarize the happenings of the past months, but what I do know is this: I would like to catch you up to here and now by inviting you into our living room by a crackling fire. Please have a seat, I have something lovely to share.

It’s hard for me to say it, and in some ways, it still doesn’t feel real, but the more I share the more real it starts to feel, so here it goes:

I’m 15 weeks pregnant!

So far, each day of the second trimester has felt like Christmas morning— there is joy and eager, hopeful, anticipation as we begin to consider what it will mean to welcome our newest little one this summer.

Of course there are unknowns, or what might be best described as anxieties. Will we have more support for Nora by the spring as we have been without a nurse for Nora since August 2021? Will this continue to be a healthy pregnancy? Will I be able to lift an 8-year-old Nora in my 3rd trimester? And oh my LORD, what if I go into labor at Nora’s hospital bedside like I did when Everett was born?!

Like most people, unknowns and anxieties have the capacity to overwhelm me, steal my joy, and at the very least subtract from the beauty of the here and now. So when I think about this next new year, with its unknowns and our hopeful anticipation, I am doing my best to bring myself back to the present— to scenes like the one before me, my family in front of the Christmas tree— sharing happy news of this pregnancy with you who love and support our family.

Despite my absence across the social internet the last few months, I do still write, and to stay present, grounded, healthy and hopeful throughout 2022, I would like to write about the lovely things that fill my days — perhaps also things I’m looking forward to, what I’m learning, and what I’m grateful for.

Whatever 2022 holds, and however this space continues to evolve, I think it is safe to say it will be an adventure. Thank you for being here, for cheering for and celebrating with me and my growing family. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Talk soon,

Jesse

Photo credit: Rachel Carrie