…I’ve been listening to Christmas music since the 9th of October. I listen quietly while the kids are napping, or as I am organizing my writing — breathing new life into old pieces through photos and categories. In September 2014 I posted a piece asking the world to pray for a Christmas miracle for a 6-month-old baby…. Nora… my daughter. You will never know the desperation, the anguish, with which I prayed. I sought prayers for relief from relentless seizures—prayers for healing. The anticipation of Christmas 2014 was a beacon of hope amidst despair– a cry to heaven begging God to remember me– to remember us. In September 2014 I shared these words,
“this is what binds my heart and soul to Christmas- the promise of good news- the promise of God in the flesh. Immanuel, God with us. Amidst the confusion and suffering in this season of our lives, my heart is holding on to that beautiful miracle. The promise and assurance that Jesus is with us, that he is ever present.”
He was. He is. He will be.
On Christmas Day 2014 Nora smiled. She was almost sitting up. She had her NG tube taken out days before and was eating independently for the first time in months. She only had one short seizure. She was bright eyed and healthy. She was happy. God was with us in those miracles. But God was also with us in our brokenness and unanswered prayers. Nora wasn’t cured. She was still globally delayed. I would never nurse her again. There was no assurance that her seizures wouldn’t change, or get worse. We were a thousand fragmented pieces of confusion and hurt.
But my miracle, and the forever mystery, was and is this: God is with us. And I’ll wish you merry Christmas today and everyday, because I believe in the miracle and mystery of Christmas. I believe in God’s love for me and for my daughter. It has taken me 2 years of perspective to fully embrace this love. I don’t know your cries of despair or your prayers for miracles– but this I know… He was. He is. He will be.
Photo Credit: Jessica Rice Photography