And Then, My Entire Family Bought Roller Skates: A Thank You Note

The crickets belong in the old stone wall and the bees belong in the clover, just as winter belongs in its place after fall, before the new year starts over.

—You Belong Here, written by M.H. Clark and illustrated by Isabelle Arsenault

To all twenty-three members my beautiful (Rauch) family:

I should be packing my family up for our extended family gathering, our three-night Christmas San Diego vacation, but instead, I am writing to you. As some of you know, since having children, I choose not to pack for family trips until just a day prior to departure (which is probably how, and why, I forgot my bridesmaid dress for Hillary’s wedding over the summer. Thank you Hillary for allowing me to stand by your side in a quick- purchase replacement dress.) I save all my packing for the last minute, because as you know, my family often changes our plans quickly due to Nora’s health.

Last year, we had to cancel our trip to join you for the Christmas vacation. Over the spring, we had to forgo joining many of you on a week-long cruise to Mexico — all due to Nora’s health and unplanned hospital admissions. After missing last year’s Christmas trip, I wrote a story, a post called “The Woman Who Ate Cat Food on Christmas Eve,” about what it was like for me to be away from you all, at Nora’s hospital bedside. Today, as I procrastinate on packing and re-read this post, I am drawn to an (imaginary) scene I paint of us all together, crowded in Nora’s hospital room. I end this scene by saying, “And for the first time in my life, I would probably feel like, I belong here — on the fourth floor [of children’s hospital].”

As I reflect on this statement, I feel that in many ways, because of all of you, I have a sense, a feeling, associated with the word “belong.” In many ways, because of my relationships with all of you, I understand and know how it feels to be loved, accepted, cherished, encouraged, known, cared for, and held. Many people in my life, in my extended circles of friends or community, have always held the opinion that our extended family is “unique” in the way we choose to gather and travel, multiple times a year, to be together. As to why we do this and other families might not, I can’t answer, but if I had to guess, I think it might simply be because we 1) genuinely seem to enjoy one another, and 2) each member of the family feels like they (and whoever they choose to invite along) belong.

Last year, following my Christmas post, Uncle John casually told me the family would like to travel to San Diego for Christmas 2019 (even though this location is entirely out of the way for most of you.) Because, “No matter what is going on, we want to see you.” I was moved, and entirely relieved, knowing no matter what Christmas 2019 might be like, I would get to see all your beautiful faces. Thank you for casually, and uneventfully, moving our gathering to San Diego. I know for many of you, this means more travel time, and juggling (even more) travel arrangements and logistics. Please know I am filled with gratitude and appreciation for each of you making it a priority to make a trip to San Diego.

I have to tell you, when I posted “The Woman Who Ate Cat Food on Christmas Eve” it was not my intention to convince you all to move our family trip to southern CA, or have you feel badly about my circumstance. I was trying to paint a picture of what it is like, what it has been like, to journey this (unpredictable) path with Nora. But now that I know my words, these essays, stories, letters and pieces of my life, potentially influence your decision making, I intend to use my powers of persuasion to convince you all to buy roller skates during our San Diego stay. I look forward to watching you all wear your skates out of the store and rolling with you around the bay. The weather forecast is all sun, Nora looks bright and healthy, Everett is ready to play, and Tyler has time off of work. We are all looking forward to seeing you tomorrow! Now on to packing…

With love,

Jesse AKA Jessbo, or if we must, L.B.J. (Little Baby Jesse)

Photo Credit: Caitlyn Nikula