“She Is The Worst Birth Control”: A Baby Book

Something-like a Prophecy

Weeks before you were born your dad and I took a trip to San Francisco. While we were walking through the city, laughing and talking, an observer told us our baby would be born happy because your dad and I were exuding life, laughter, love and happiness. I’ll always remember her words, which in retrospect, knowing you now, might have been something like a prophecy.

Diva Drama

During labor your body turned— you were crooked, and I was the woman at ten centimeters who demands an epidural. It was quite an event— your position, my demands, all of which resulted in a nickname from the nursing staff: “Penelope the Diva” (the “Diva” part might have been more about me than you— you’re not a diva, you’re a delight) The important part of your birth story is this: When you were born, your dad and I were overwhelmed with joy and peace — grateful for your safe arrival into our arms and to the world.

“Is She Smiling!?”

Due to Covid restrictions and guidelines at the hospital, visitors were limited during and after your birth. To keep our families and friends in the loop, your dad and I sent videos and pictures. The consistent reply to many of our messages was a single question, “Is she smiling!?”

“She’s Breaking My Heart”

As soon as we were able, exactly 24 hours after your birth, your Dad and I brought you home. It was very late at night, so your brother and sister were asleep, but when they woke up in the morning, they crawled into bed with us to hold you for the first time. Everett said it felt like Christmas morning, and when he held you these were his words “She’s breaking my heart— happy tears are coming.”

Magical Indeed

That evening we hunkered down together for bedtime stories and prayers. I snapped this picture and sent it to a few friends and family. Annaliese described it best, when she commented, “There is something magical about your little trio.”

Such a gift

It’s hard to describe the first days with a new baby— for me it’s love and tears, joy and chaos, anxiety and peace, pain and beauty, but if I had to describe it in a few words, I would sum it up like this: Such a gift. These are the words that continue to come to mind as you thrive and grow.

He Was There

We were fortunate that your dad was able to take an eight-week paternity leave, which means throughout the first weeks of your life, he (along with many members of our extended family) was able to be present and involved in taking care of me and you, supporting Nora, and running around town with Everett.

The Postpartum Retreat Center

While I was pregnant, I referred to our bedroom as “The Postpartum Retreat Center” as a way to cue those around me to my intentions for the postpartum period. I created soft, cozy, spaces throughout the room—a sheepskin rug, a nursing nook with a velvet nursing pillow, soft blankets, candles and low light throughout. I wanted everything in the room to act as an invitation and reminder to rest. People often visited us in this space as I continued to heal and as we found our own unique rhythm.

Sisters

Nora is non- speaking and communicates in her own way— using communication cards or her iPad, and sometimes with hums, sighs or coos. I’m not sure you heard her voice as you grew inside me, and yet, even in your earliest days, you were comfortable in her arms — like you had known her all along. I don’t have a sister, but I would guess moments like this is what make it so special. I’m thankful you two have each other.

You and Nora Went Viral

Balance was interrupted (as it has been again and again for so many families throughout the pandemic) by Covid. All five of us had the virus at once, and as you were recovering, I filmed a short video of you and Nora snuggling and posted it to instagram. The video went micro- viral (is that a thing?) and resulted in 774,691 plays, and almost 500 comments from many people praying for your recovery.

Daddy’s Desktop

Soon after we recovered from Covid, your dad started a new job. He works remotely from home with travel days now and then. I love walking into his office and seeing this picture as his desktop background.

The Pause Button

This is the first picture I took where I felt like you “lost” your infant look and started looking more like your baby self. Likewise, Everett lost his first tooth— both small milestones, but a reminder of just how quickly these early years escape us. I wish I had a pause button.

Noon 

More often than not, we don’t have nursing care for your sister Nora. By mid-morning we have gone back and forth and around the corner for drop off, maybe an errand, perhaps an iced coffee and then back for pick up. But by noon, it’s just us— the girls— and Nora (very proudly) helps me take care of you. We drink (pretend) coffee, watch princess movies, take naps, snuggle and listen to music on the floor.

“She Is The Worst Birth Control”

The other day a friend was delightedly holding you and she said something that made us all laugh, “She is the worst birth control!” And it’s so true! You’re a joy and the baby that makes us all want to have more babies.

Daddy’s Shoulders

I have more words for this photo than can fit into a caption, but the short story is this: we were leaving Children’s hospital after an appointment for Nora and your dad put you on his shoulders and announced “Penelope’s first shoulder ride!” I was filled with gratitude and overwhelmed by the miracle of what it is to leave Children’s Hospital with a healthy, happy, baby high on her Daddy’s shoulders.

We’re Still Learning

Over the last few months we have been continually adapting and learning how to provide and support all the things our family needs. It seems to change hour by hour, and day by day. Your Dad and I are constantly striving, learning, failing, adapting, advocating, prioritizing, redefining, and growing. We are doing our best to continue to show up for ourselves and our children.

Beach Baby

I’ll close this chapter of your baby book with this: I love being your mom. You’re a gift. You bring wonder, joy, and delight to those around you. I’m thankful for your sweet spirit and your health and happiness. Now let’s go to the beach.