The Hospice Social Worker Who Refused to Wear a Mask

Years ago when I was getting my degree, I met the hospice social worker outside the home of her first patient of the morning— I was to shadow her throughout her work day. As we walked to the front door, she quickly explained that the person we were visiting was in his early 40’s, and, he was dying of oral cancer. Before we entered his home, she explained, “Oral cancer is a horrible disease—the lesions, or sores, in his mouth and throat have a foul smell — you can literally smell the cancer, so it’s almost impossible for people get close without wearing a medical mask. It’s an absolutely awful disease — it drives people away, through odor, from a dying person.” She went on to explain, that when she visited the man, she chose not to wear a medical mask to shield herself from the smell, and said, “I hold each breath as long as I can, because for me, it’s a matter of dignity —people, especially those who are dying, need face-to-face connection.”

Today, as I read the newspapers, and the personal accounts of those with, and without, COVID-19 being apart from loved ones in death and dying, I can’t help but remember a man dying from oral cancer, the hospice social worker, and her choice to provide unhurried and unmasked presence at his bedside despite the effects of disease. As I remember these two people, and connect their stories to the current climate, it breaks my heart to know that “drawing close,” and unmasked physical presence, are not currently options for those facing serious illness and death during the COVID-19 pandemic, or for those caring for these patients. I hope and pray that eventually and soon, there will be more accommodating and supportive options available, but until then, it is our responsibility to creatively assist the efforts of those striving to create connection for individuals facing the harsh and devastating impact of COVID-19. 

Today is my 31st birthday, and, I don’t feel much like celebrating. When I close my eyes, and I think about a birthday wish, what I hope for is something, anything, to lighten the burden, and make life easier for those enduring the impact of COVID-19. My heart hurts when I think of those who are actively dying, or seriously ill, alone, or without the support of those they hold dear. And while my heart hurts, I’m also filled with gratitude for the beautiful, and creative people, with hearts as bright, passionate and loving as the breath-holding social worker— the people in healthcare who are doing anything and everything in their power to make “drawing close” a reality for individuals and their families facing the heartbreaking realities of this pandemic.

As I don’t feel much like celebrating “31” in a traditional way, I decided to ask you, my friends, family, and any sweet reader, for the gift of $5 directly to COVID Tech Connect — a grassroots effort created in response to the current crisis that is working with hospitals and hospices to connect COVID- 19 patients, who are critically ill, with their family members through the use of donated tablets. Your gift as a financial sponsor will cover costs for the shipping and handling fees of these devices across the United States. You can give your $5 gift here.  Additionally, if you are connected to a hospital or hospice, you can request devices for your organization. If you do not feel called to give a birthday gift, maybe you would consider donating $5 in honor of the hospice social worker who refused to wear a mask. She was a person who embodied the spirit of many in healthcare who strive to create connection despite disease and circumstance. Thank you (in advance) for your gift — take good care.

All my love,

Jesse