SAM

I’m a mother to a child with medical complexities, and the problem is this: I’m tired of feeling like I’m surviving, or enduring, but rarely thriving. So, I paid $200 and signed up for a 15-week wellness program out of The University of Michigan for parents of children with special needs. This evidenced-based program, “Mood Lifters,” is modeled after Weight Watchers. This means, instead of a focus on losing weight, weekly goals are set and points are earned within the categories “body, actions, mind, mood, and relationships.” I intend to blog about my experiences with each weekly topic and it’s my hope, by the end of this project, thriving won’t seem quite so elusive.

Week 4: Social Connections

Goal:

In addition to earning points in the categories of behavior, mind, and sleep, my goal is to engage in a minimum of two social activities for two social points. These activities can include connecting with people in my life, or forming new connections. 

SAM

When I’m under stress, overwhelmed, or emotionally and mentally tired, it’s challenging for me to tend to social connections. While my struggle might have something to do with the nature of our day-to-day life and Nora’s health, it likely has more to do with my status as an introvert (yes, I’m an introvert, but I’m an external processor). Relationships are one place we can gain energy, and relationships require work: intention, effort and thought. This week, as I reflect on my relationships and connections, especially when I am under stress, overwhelmed, or emotionally and mentally drained (which feels like more often than not right now) I can’t help but think of my first college backpacking trip, and day number ten in the Ansel Adams wilderness.

On day ten, the final day of my leadership backpacking trip, our small teams of students gathered together as the president of the university gave an address. I was down five pounds, truly filthy, tired of mountain high switchbacks, peeing in the dirt, and not having nearly enough clothing options. So, as I listened to his address, I assumed he was intending to congratulate us on surviving ten days in the wilderness on seven days of food, or possibly apologize for the 48 hours we each spent fasting, in complete and utter solitude, or I thought he might offer the ladies a razor, perhaps a stick of deodorant, or a pillow, but instead, he felt compelled to deliver an inspiring address. And, he had the audacity to challenge us.

He explained that over the course of the upcoming year, a time would come when we would feel utterly exhausted — mentally, emotionally, or physically —but we would be called upon, in one way or another, to show up wholeheartedly, for the people we intend to serve, and it would be up to us to go the extra mile for that person(s). So, to demonstrate this principle, through lived metaphor, he explained we were about to run. Yes, you read that correctly — run.

I survived the wilderness, and in conclusion I was being forced to run.

A sharpie marker, and tape, was passed around the group, and we were asked to dedicate the run to one specific person, a person we would pray for during the run, and continue to pray for throughout the academic year. When I wrote the name SAM on a piece of tape, and adhered it to my shirt, suddenly nothing about my current circumstance seemed to matter so much, because, I was running for Sam. And I know I can do anything in the world, including a marathon of wilderness miles, for my brother Sam.

Later, when I saw Sam, I gave him the filthy piece of tape, with his name written across it. I explained the president’s speech and the run, and I reiterated to him that while I was away at school, I was praying for him and for his senior year of high school. Sam kept that tape plastered to his bathroom medicine cabinet, where he could see it every day as he reached for the toothpaste. And as Sam’s sister, him displaying a ratty piece of tape in his bathroom meant the world to me. Because, while I was not able to be present during his senior year, I was able to remind him, every day, that I am always cheering for him, and I’m always on his team.  

The Extra Mile

I’m sure we’re all tired of hearing this, but the pandemic is changing the social circumstance of our world; maintaining social connections, and building a strong team, has never been more essential. When it comes to maintaining connections, do I sometimes feel like I did on day ten of the wilderness survival “retreat”? Yes. Do I remember how clearly I knew I could and did run for Sam? Yes. Now, more than ever, it’s time to go the extra mile to practice creativity, thought, and intention in our relationships. What I love so far about this wellness program, is the opportunity to practice a growth mindset, and set realistic goals, and explore creative ways to practice and engage with my values, like fostering social connections and commitment to my relationships. So for this week and in the following weeks, I plan to strive for the extra mile in my social connections and relationships in simple and small ways with the primary aim of: remind my dear ones they are loved and that I’m always on their team.

A Nora Update

A note on posting day: This week has been similar to last week, but Nora has had even more strong, smiley, chatty and animated moments. Ideally, she will be back on her school campus next week, we are praying she is strong, and alert enough to learn, and engage with her wonderful community and education team. One major answer to prayer: Nora has a new nurse on her team! This gives her the opportunity to participate in campus learning and will allow our family some much needed support. Thank you for continuing to keep Nora and our family in your thoughts and prayers.